I reckon I have to preface this with:  I come from an old family. 

And now that I have offended every last one of them…

When people have asked me, “So how are you?” these last six weeks, my only answer has been to sigh and ask, “Full details?  Or summary field?” because so much of how I am lately has had to do with how other people have been doing.  So.  Full details?  Or summary field?  Summary field?  Awesome.

Sick grandma (Hubby’s), The G got pneumonia while Hubby out of town for week, sick Hubby, grandma (Hubby’s) died, The G had an ear infection, father-in-law had heart attack, cousin has brain surgery for tumor, favorite aunt has 90% blockage in at least 4 arteries with surgery (at least quadruple bypass) scheduled for the 10th, sick me, Thanksgiving and sleeping in four different states in 5 nights, first period in God only knows when and the craziness that goes along with that, walked in the door and The G threw up everywhere and spiked 104.8 fever, The G got pneumonia again, Hubby out of town for four days, new bed for The G, household chaos, tra la la.

Then my sister calls this afternoon.  Now?  With my aunt scheduled to have quadruple bypass surgery on Wednesday?  My brother-in-law is going in on Tuesday for what will either be a stint in “The Widow Maker” artery or open heart surgery.  Doing it Tuesday to have heart surgeon on friggen standby, so I’m guessing the odds aren’t in my BIL’s favor for skipping a chest crack.  And, of course, all of this, plus The G’s pneumonia (because BIL also has weakened respiratory due to histoplasmosis last year), throws our plans for Family Christmas next weekend into a wee bit of…um…turbulence.  In an attempt to ease the stress on everyone, I made the cardinal mistake of calling our father first, and I ended up calling my sister to apologize to her for our father (at whose house we have Family Christmas) calling her about what is agreed by us all to be The Most Stress Inducing Activity of The Year (scheduling Family Christmas) at a time when I’d hoped to relieve her stress.  Only he hadn’t called her yet, so it ended up being a two-for-one deal:  an apology AND a head’s up.

(I love my father, really.  Dad, adore you.  But when it comes to Family Christmas?  OMG.  Stress-o-rama-lama-ding-dong)

Needless to say, right now?  If you talk to me?  You’re likely to think you’re talking to your grandmother - the one who spends all her time nosing in all the family business and visiting hospitals and searching for which funeral home is holding services for Miz Immergene. 

If you look at me, you’re likely to think you’re talking to your teenage niece because hello acne breakout.

I won’t even go into that.